I take my hat off to you

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sarahhottinger

Sunday, 9 October 2011

wish i never left

Here I am, hoping the font will explain what I am """""ranting"""" about. I’m musing over how I can create an intelligent sounding paragraph that encapsulates how I feel right now, and I still cannot produce anything worth reading. It’s funny. I am nearing the end of my schooling - something I’ve looked forward to for the 11 years I have been in school. Yet the realisation of how close I am to it has finally struck me this term and I don’t want school to end. The sense of security it provides me, I cannot explain in words. Complete my assignments. Then study. Then sit my exams. The same familiar routine over the course of 12 years. I am excited for university. But the truth is I have no idea what I’m doing. I look around and everyone knows where they’re headed or at least what they want. I’m lost. I have no clue where I’m headed, and honestly, I can’t even remember who I am anymore. I am looking back at my awards and report cards from 2009, and I’m tearing. I miss Woodcrest, and the carefree feeling I got from there. I miss the eager yet satisfying feeling I used to get when I received the grades for my assignments and report cards, knowing that it would always be what I’d expect, and not a completely different, shameful fail. The tables have turned and it’s been awhile since I’ve felt a sense of accomplishment. Even a small feeling would do a lot to me. I miss being a child prodigy. If only my parents knew how badly I’m doing now. They’re used to these marks I’m getting, and I guess I should be glad that they are so lenient on me. But they don’t know how bad I am doing, and how I am not going to improve very much from where I am now. I’m coming to an ignominious end here, and I deserve every single bit of it.

sarahhottinger
	Sunday, 9 October 2011 wish i never left Here I am, hoping the font will explain what I am """""ranting"""" about. I’m musing over how I can create an intelligent sounding paragraph that encapsulates how I feel right now, and I still cannot produce anything worth reading. It’s funny. I am nearing the end of my schooling - something I’ve looked forward to for the 11 years I have been in school. Yet the realisation of how close I am to it has finally struck me this term and I don’t want school to end. The sense of security it provides me, I cannot explain in words. Complete my assignments. Then study. Then sit my exams. The same familiar routine over the course of 12 years. I am excited for university. But the truth is I have no idea what I’m doing. I look around and everyone knows where they’re headed or at least what they want. I’m lost. I have no clue where I’m headed, and honestly, I can’t even remember who I am anymore. I am looking back at my awards and report cards from 2009, and I’m tearing. I miss Woodcrest, and the carefree feeling I got from there. I miss the eager yet satisfying feeling I used to get when I received the grades for my assignments and report cards, knowing that it would always be what I’d expect, and not a completely different, shameful fail. The tables have turned and it’s been awhile since I’ve felt a sense of accomplishment. Even a small feeling would do a lot to me. I miss being a child prodigy. If only my parents knew how badly I’m doing now. They’re used to these marks I’m getting, and I guess I should be glad that they are so lenient on me. But they don’t know how bad I am doing, and how I am not going to improve very much from where I am now. I’m coming to an ignominious end here, and I deserve every single bit of it.